How I Wish Obama Would Respond To Donald Trump’s RNC “Surprise”

If you are a huge masochist and/or way too much time on your hands, you have probably heard that one of the two major political parties in the most powerful country in the world is going to feature a racist bankrupt clown at their convention in a few weeks. The somehow-still-famous reality television star was at one point the frontrunner to become the GOP nominee for President, so he originally wanted to have a speakers slot. However in a rare instance of foresight, the party-poopers with the Romney campaign figured that it might be a bad idea to give an unedited national platform to someone who spends most of their time tweeting about the President’s birth certificate in between glazing teenage prostitutes in gold leaf (so I’ve heard).

Unfortunately for Trump, the compromise “surprise” for the convention seems to have been so dismally predictable that the fine folks of the internet have already not only guessed what he was going to do but then had their fears confirmed yesterday via the facebook account of an Obama impersonator:

Last night, Obama impersonator (or “Fauxbama,” if you prefer) Kevin Michel posted a picture posing with Trump, along with a caption urging his Facebook friends to “[b]e sure to watch the Republican National Convention.”

So as Max Read at Gawker succinctly puts it: “it’s gonna be a stupid video where he “fires” an Obama impersonator”.

This video will go over really well with the angry white male constituency of the GOP, who love nothing more than seeing a black man being berated by “one of their own”, especially when this exchange occurs from a position of authority (this is why cliched cop movies are so popular). It is also almost guaranteed that the media response to this obviously racist (and terribly un-funny) skit will be “discussed” by idiots like Wolf Blitzer, who will undoubtedly compare it to Tina Fey’s extraordinary use of actual satire (that was also never endorsed by the Democrats).

However I think that this actually presents an opportunity for Obama, who as we already know, loves to embarrass the sad wannabe that is Donald Trump, and has a capable campaign staff that knows how to troll with the best of them.

So here is my script for the Obama response to the inevitable “you’re fired” clip from the RNC:

TRUMP: You’re fired Mr. President.

OBAMA: Excuse me? Did you say something. I heard your lips moving but all I saw was a human punch line trying to act like he actually mattered.

T: I said “you’re fired”, you know, like in my show and stuff…

O: I know where it’s from. I just don’t care about it or anything that you have to say to me. I’ve been busy providing people with affordable healthcare, saving the auto industry, and having Bin Laden shot in the face to devote anytime to some reality show that most people tuned out after the first season.

T: Hey alot of people find what I have to say is pretty important. I’m a classy guy in Republican circles.

O: That fact alone is encapsulates what is wrong with that party. I hope for their sake that they make fun of you once you leave the room.

T: Hey where’s your birth certificate, and your college records, and…

(Obama interrupts)

O: Let me stop you right there with that nonsense before you make a fool of yourself for the 70th time this year. I’m tired of you and your ilk using this pretty blatantly racist strategy of attacking my policy proposals and legitimate existence here in this office. I am not your “boy” and there is a huge difference between criticizing my vision for the country, and playing off the politics of white resentment in order to sabotage the necessary work that we need to do to save the country from  the last eight to thirty years of your friends running the economy into the ground. If you don’t like me that’s more than fine, but deliberately spouting off crazy BS that has my Secret Service detail working overtime is not going to help us recover as a nation.

T: But….China is getting strong and…

O: Look I know that you are way over your head in discussing, well anything really. I mean you are the guy who has managed to lose money running casino’s, which frankly takes some real skill. Speaking of which, I don’t want to embarrass you any further, but the good folks at the Treasury wanted me to pass this along to you when we met.

Obama passes Trump a few legal documents

O: It seems that you are a few months late on paying your creditors from your last bankruptcy. I’m sorry to have do this, but I’ve been asked to repossess your hairpiece as collateral until you cut a check. Actually, better make that cash.

T: sobs softly while Obama takes his wig away

O: This will look great in the Smithsonian next to the Fonz’s leather jacket.



About stefanbc

I am an attorney who works mainly in criminal defense, child welfare, and medical marijuana advocacy. I live in Long Beach with my wife and four pets. View all posts by stefanbc

2 responses to “How I Wish Obama Would Respond To Donald Trump’s RNC “Surprise”

  • Anonymous

    I fail to see how anything Donald Trump is doing is racist. Or is it just because Obama happens to have darker skin, that any criticism against him is ‘racist’? Stop playing the race card. It’s ruining your credibility.

    • stefanbc

      Making an issue out of someone’s ethnic background, country of origin, and academic qualifications through a slew of entirely baseless horseshit is the very definition of racism. This is especially true when someone is doing it for political gain, especially with the knowledge that these attacks align with historical prejudices and contemporary white resentment towards having a black authority figure dictating national policy.

      As for the “race card”, this white martyrdom cycle of engaging in transparently racial attacks and then whining when somebody is called out for being a jackass has been going on for way too long. If you don’t like the label of racism affixed to a dumbass assertion, try not saying racist shit.

      Also I was unaware that I had “credibility” to ruin. This is awesome.

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